BDSM Play Party Etiquette

Written by Daddy K and wolve

“Common sense” is unfortunately not common, hence the need for a workshop on BDSM Play Party Etiquette hosted by Uber services in Sydney. This blog is a summery of that workshop.

There is a difference between etiquette and protocol. Etiquette is basic manners that are expected by all who attend a particular event and protocol is individual behaviours agreed upon by couples or a group.

Becoming involved in BDSM in any form does not give you carte blanche to forget the manners that you were (hopefully) taught as a child. If you intend to attend a BDSM play party in the near future, now is the time to polish them up and to show how well you listened.

Above all else remember that everything we do requires consent or else it becomes abuse.

Etiquette could be divided into RESPECT and COMMUNICATION.

RESPECT:

  • Diverse group of people, diverse kinks: the tricksy notion that people are different, and have different ideas:
    • Your kink may not be my kink, and even within eg flogging there are many different styles and ways to flog (please don’t rave about the ONE TRUE PATH)
    • Celebrate creativity and diversity
    • Different reactions to play – quiet and inner focused vs. laughing and joking.  Consider the environment you are about to have your scene in
  • Do not touch people or their belongings without permission
    • Personal toys laid out ready for use are not there for you to pick up and rummage through
    • Ask if you can help clean up toys afterwards if they’ve been used on you
  • Do not interrupt a scene
    • If concerned about the safety of a scene refer to the dungeon monitor or party host
    • Do not try to talk to, or touch, the person who is receiving attention, even if you know them unless expressly invited by the Top
    • Do not stand near a scene and talk loudly (either about the scene or other things)
    • Stand back – the scene may be fascinating but do you really want to be hit by the back swing of a flogger?  Also … get out of my light… I want to be able to see what I’m doing
    • Don’t walk through a scene space
  • Respect the idea that BDSM can be a risky activity: follow principles of SSC or RACK
    • Know your weapons (toys) – if you don’t know how to use them safely, ask for guidance and learn
  • Respect your party hosts, their effort, equipment and location
    • Clean up after yourself including your play area
    • Check party rules and expectations
    • Don’t hog equipment
    • Don’t arrive out of it (or use drugs during the event)
    • Don’t bring drugs to a party – a police raid will dampen the night
  • Dominants need not be Domineering
  • Submissives are not Doormats, they are not submissive to the whole party

COMMUNICATION:

  • Bring manners: be polite, friendly and respectful
  • Discuss interests, previous experience, limits, wants, needs, health issues
    • Work out your limits (Tops have limits too!)
    • Hard limits are just that. No respectful player will decide that somebody’s hard limits need to be pushed.
  • Discuss aftercare arrangements
  • Safewords
  • If unsure, ask but don’t interrupt to do so
  • Be prepared to apologise if you stuff up – and most of us have at some stage:-)

One Response to BDSM Play Party Etiquette

  • Chastity Husband says:

    Great article on Etiquette. Good for both beginners to the scene and as a (gentle) reminder for others.

    Thanks.

    CBiT

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